The end of the road: I could swear…

by Devina Gunawan

I texted. Called him up. Let’s meet up I need help, I said.

Then as a good friend he walked into the room, willingly offering me his service.

I looked at him and saw tears in his eyes. There was barely any smile.

We tried a simple conversation. How’s everything going, I asked. I’m really tired, he said. We both knew that was the end of it.

I tried to open up again, telling him some things that had happened lately. Yet I listened to myself and found a broken record. That was nothing that could change the cold air.

It had been a week or two since we last talked. Things hadn’t been good since then.

I had been walking a zombie life due to overwhelming work on my plate, and he had been living a nightmare without me by his side.

Best friends, we had been for awhile, until his dark side started eating me up.

After months of being captive, I could not be consumed any longer, and I had to escape.

The moments he started spitting out nothing but mockery I had a change of heart.

I was kind. But I was not an idiot.

I could swear I had loved him like a sister a brother would. I could tell the world of our great adventures. Our bond, unbreakable. Our friendship, unshakeable. Our love, uncontested.

It was great. It was amazing.

That was it.

Just now he stood before me, still loving me with all his heart, still giving me many chances to come back to what we once had. And I felt nothing.


I could swear I had loved him with all my heart as well. I could swear I had devoted time and effort to protect our friendship. I could swear I had brought his name up in prayers at least a hundred times. I could swear I had cherished him.

Then I tried to listen to my heart and heard nothing.


I tried to feel something.

And there was nothing. My head told me I should feel something, but my heart said nothing.

So I asked. I questioned. I challenged it.

But my heart said not a single word.


And I could swear that I had loved him. I could swear that I had felt something.

But then my heart said nothing.

And I listened to my heart.

So I closed my eyes and walked away.

And while tracing my steps, I thought, I could swear…

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